Mama Is Coming to Town!

My mother is making her first trip to NYC since her diagnosis. Travel was restricted during her treatments -- not by doctors, but by the medication itself. Chemo happened every three weeks. Treatment itself generally ate up an entire day -- two medications and sometimes a blood transfusion. The first few days after treatment were spent sleeping. Then it would be like having the flu for a week. And then the last few days before the next treatment, she would feel, relatively, normal. Combine that with going bald, and traveling just wasn't in the cards.

My mother hasn't come to NYC very often in the 11 years I've been here. This is only the fourth time, and the first time she's flown. The first time she came here, I believe the reaction was "How do you live here!?!" The way the taxi and car service drivers operate just isn't for her. In fact, when I mentioned that she could use my car while I was at work, she emphatically declined the offer. I can't blame her. The one time I drove to a briss I got towed.

But this trip may be a little different. My mother lost weight as a result of her chemo, and that inspired her to keep losing weight now that her treatments are over. She's been going to Weight Watchers and has lost 11 lbs in the past 3 weeks. This not only helps with her Type 2 Diabetes, but also with her injured knee. My mother has needed knee surgery for years, but they won't do it if you're overweight, and insurance companies aren't keen on paying for it if you get diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. They don't consider you a good investment. But I'm hoping that increased mobility and more jeux de vie will make this trip more fun and less taxing.

The challenge is all mine this trip. Three meals out with family and friends in three days while not eating or drinking will be no small task. Not to mention that my mother will want me to eat. That's what mothers do. Like it's their job. (Well, it kinda is.) But I'm 23 days in now! I'm playing the back 9. It's all down hill from here. Piece of cake. (Mmmmmm . . . cake.)

Daily Breakdown: Wednesday

JuicesConsumed: Spinach/Celery/Papaya/Carrot/Banana/Strawberry/Pear; Green Machine, Vega/Water/Banana

Weight Loss:  .5 lb (Juice Feast Total: 13.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Yoga

Feeling lighter

My weight hasn't changed much in the past week, if at all, but I am feeling lighter. Every class I take at the gym, though strenous, feels like I'm carrying less of a load. I feel like I'm getting more extension in yoga. When I'm jumping around in Zumba, I feel like gravity is a bit more friendly. But it may just be that for every 1 lb you lose, they say it takes 4 lbs of pressure off your knees. So, in my case, I've taken 52 lbs off my knees. No wonder I feel lighter.

This weekend I'll be getting my bicycle ready for the season, so I can start riding to work every day. Time to get used to dodging cabs again. I'm a safe cyclist, but NYC poses obstacles that are always new and exciting. I go one mile out of my way every morning just to avoid Flatbush. Any of you who know Flatbush in Brooklyn will understand that the one mile I go out of my way in each direction is a fair trade for my life. When the new sports complex is done, I can't imagine the life and death drama Flatbush will become.

I'm looking forward to getting back on the bike. As much as I like my gym, it will nice to have more outside time. The gym will be reserved for yoga and the much needed post-bike shower!

Daily Breakdown: Tuesday

JuicesConsumed: Spinach/Nectarine/Cantaloupe/Carrot/Banana/Strawberry; Acai for Me, from Crunch, Aveda Tea

Weight Loss:  .5 lb (Juice Feast Total: 13 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Yoga

Spring Cleaning

Okay, if I'm cleaning out the inside, I'd better clean out the outside too!

I started Spring Cleaning when I got home from work last night, and boy, was I a grump about it. I desperately needed to move the bedroom furniture and banish the dust bunnies, but my heart wasn't in it. I did it, begrudgingly, but I did it. It's amazing what even the best vacuum misses. This morning, I must admit to feeling a bit brighter knowing the dirt was gone. And i'm sure my sinuses will appreciate the effort.

But it made my think that maybe I should be doing more for my insides. I haven't gotten my wheatgrass growing like I'd intended. I am consuming protein which is very different to last year's cleanse, and I'm wondering what effect that is having. (It's green pea protein, but protein nonetheless.) Should I be trying to be more aggressive about cleansing?

Daily Breakdown: MondayJuicesConsumed: Spinach/1/2 Apple/Cantaloupe/Pineapple/Carrot/Banana/Strawberry; Vega/Water/Banana; Peanut Butter Smoothie

Weight Loss:  -1 lb (Juice Feast Total: 12.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Nope

Hump Day!

Today is Hump Day, Day 20, the official midway point! And I couldn't be more thrilled, if you couldn't tell. Last year, I only did 30 days, so by Day 20 the count down was in full force and I was sifting through menus trying to pick out my first meal. While I still have 20 days to go this year, I reserve looking at menus until I'm 3/4 through so I'm not completely obsessive about it.

Things have been going well, and I'm feeling good. I took care of myself this weekend, and went for a massage and a facial. I don't get facials very often, and I never wax my eyebrows, but I was going for the whole cleanse, and it seemed like the thing to do. Ouch. I looked like a boxer after the fight. The losing boxer at that. I woke up the next morning looking the same way as well! I'm definitely cleaner, but who wouldn't be losing a layer of skin. Women, how do you wax and pluck on a regular basis? I'm just a wimp, I'm afraid. The spa I went to had a whirl pool and saunas to relax in prior to the treaments, and you could even get smacked around with oak leaves if you so chose. I did not. The sauna was a bit too much for me, and I only lasted a few minutes before sitting in a deck chair and chilling out.

Just under 3 weeks to go, and I must admit to being much more nervous about the show I'm working on than 21 days of juice. The show is deeply personal, and reveals more than I ever have in a truly public setting. I know . . . how can a woman who makes some mention about her bodily functions on a daily basis be concerned with revealing something? But I think we all keep secrets on some level. We may have done nothing wrong, but still ashamed and afraid to be judged. Writing a blog, you are at least one step removed from judgement. For one, you have no idea if anyone really reads the silly thing, so you can blather on about anything without much hesitation. But theatre, small theatre, you are 100% certain who is listerning to you and who is not. You see people look away, nod off, breast feed. You see people become engaged or look at their watches. It's like hanging your underwear out to dry in Central Park.

And what do you do with a secret you've held on to for 20 years once it becomes public knowledge? Am I letting go of an unnecessary burden?

Daily Breakdown: Sunday
JuicesConsumed: Kale/Orange/Cantaloupe/Pineapple/Carrot/Banana/Strawberry; Vega/Water/Banana; Kale/Celery/Cantaloupe/Pineapple/Carrot/Banana/Strawberry/1/2 Apple

Weight Loss:  0 lb (Juice Feast Total: 13.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Walk in the park -- literally.

The Temptations

I have been running around more than usual lately getting ready for an audition. Saturday was the big day. My friend and I walked out of the audition, and down to the end of the block where I raised my nose in the air and said, "Is that fried clams?"

I guess with all of the pressure off my mind could return to simpler things -- What's cookin'? Things have never smelled as good as they have in the past few weeks. My sense of smell may have become stronger, if that's possible. I can smell bacon from at least 100 yards. Garlic, garlic can stop me in my tracks. In the past few weeks, I have spoon fed an adult chocolate cake, just so I could smell it. I have given over to my sense of smell.

Thankfully, we don't watch anything in Smell-e-vision. When you're not eating, you start to realize just how much food is on TV. Commericials aren't even the tip of the iceberg (lettuce with blue cheese).  How many times to characters eat? LOST had whole episodes about food, but at least they thought they might starve until they the Dharma stash. And I consume enough mango to not be jealous of John Locke. But seriously, I'm about to write the Writers Union to complain about contrived reasons for characters leaving a room. They never have a character leave the room to pee, but they're always going for coffee. Where do they think all this coffee is going to go? And these 95 lbs women eating pie and donuts -- please! They never give these women opportunity to go to the bathroom to vomit them up, as they obviously don't digest them.

As much as I follow my nose these days, there is little I smell that I would actually eat if given the option having chosen to remain vegan. Being vegan is definitely limiting, but I find I feel better so it's a small price to pay. The number of unlikely vegans joining my ranks keeps on growing. Learning that Bill Clinton had gone vegan to repair his health was a shock, but not half as unexpected as learning that Mike Tyson has gone vegan. (I'm sure Holyfield wishes he had gone vegan much sooner.) You can picture Cindy Crawford eating a raw diet, but Tyson dropping 100 lbs (to 250) by becoming vegan seems almost unimaginable. But even more against type, Tyson while reducing weight has maintained muscle.

I have been able to give in to one temptation. Something I fondly called "Crack in a Cup" while consuming. I found a vegan Peanut Butter Smoothy. It was 20 oz of pure bliss. It was peanut butter, flax seed and almond milk, and it was just what the doctor ordered.

Daily Breakdown: Friday
JuicesConsumed: Spinach/Papaya/Pineapple/Banana/Cantaloupe/Carrot; Berry/Beet from Jamba; Hawaiian Harvest; Vega/Water/Banana

Weight Loss:  0.5 lb (Juice Feast Total: 13.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Spin Class and crunches

Daily Breakdown: Saturday
JuicesConsumed: Kale/Pear/Cantaloupe/Mango/Carrot; Vega/Water/Banana; Peanut Butter Smoothy from the Gods!

Weight Loss:  0 lb (Juice Feast Total: 13.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Zumba!!!

Zzzzzz. . .Zzzzzz . . . .zzzzzzz . . . .

I've stopped snoring. As a kid, I snored like a small frieght train rumbling past. Over the years, I've improved to where I sound like a small bulldog wheezing. But now, I don't snore at all. And that is only since the juice fast has begun. I know I have been sleeping better, and I'm sure not snoring is playing a role in that. So the question is -- why did I stop snoring?

Weight plays a role in sleep apnea, so was I heavy enough to be making myself unwell? Sure it's possible. According to the BMI calculator, when I started this feast, I was on the 54th percentile and listed as "overweight". Today, I'm in the 40th percentile, and still listed as "overweight". (If I drop one more pound, the calculator will say I'm "Normal".) For those of you unfamiliar with the calculator, if you're in the 50th percentile, that means you're average for your height and age. If you're in the 25th percentile, then 75% of the population is heavier than you. http://www.halls.md/body-mass-index/bmi.htm

Another possibility, my allergies could have been causing my snoring. I have always had hayfever, which as a child caused asthma attacks. I was prepetually congested for years. And then last year, when I gave up dairy, it seemed like my allergies disappeared. I could finally breathe freely. As a result, I never put dairy back into my diet. My doctor said that I may just have an reaction to cow dairy and that sheep & goat may be fine. I have yet to test that theory. So, it could be that I have removed another allergen. Celery, soy, wheat, dairy and shellfish are known as key allergens in exercise-induced anaphylaxis. The only one of those allergens to be in my diet since the juice feast began is celery. My protein powder,Vega doesn't even contain soy. Dairy and shellfish aren't in my normal diet, so we're looking at soy and wheat being potential problem.

What I have learned in the past two years, is that the body will tell you what is good for you and what is not if you listen to it. It may not be a huge reaction like anaphylaxis. It can be as small as a zit or a stuffy nose. When I went to lectures on raw diets and juicing last year, the thing I heard over and over again was that "if you remove obstacles, the body will health itself." That premise is what launched my juice feast to encourage my mother to make diet changes. If she changed her diet, perhaps her body would try to heal itself. I have never understood America's fascination with medication. There's so much you can do to improve your health and your environment just by changing your diet, so why would you want to trust everything to a little pill?

Daily Breakdown: Thursday
JuicesConsumed: Spinach/Papaya/Pineapple/Banana/Cantaloupe; Mango/Pear/Banana; Hawaiian Harvest; Vega/Water/Banana

Weight Loss:  1 lb (Juice Feast Total: 13.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Diesel, Killer class with a great teacher!

I could get used to this . . .

It has been over two weeks now, and not eating has started to become normal. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? I sound as though I have an eating disorder. Or maybe I should just plead "Temporary Insanity"?

When I tell people what I'm doing, or not doing, it seems to elicit the most heartfelt reactions. People either think I'm a complete whack job, or talk to me about other cleanses that they've tried or a friend has tried. The people who throw me in the whack job catagory seem to assume I've done no research, have never spoken to a doctor or a nutritionist and my only motivation is to lose weight quickly. They think what I'm doing is extreme and unhealthy, and somewhat ridiculous. I won't say that anyone putting me in the whack job comparment is completely wrong. Opinion is by definition a judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certianty, and they are entitled to their opinion.

I don't feel the need to justify my choices. People can dislike my choices and question my integrity all they like. Nothing I say will change that. I could say that "I have never felt better", and they would call it a lie. I could say, "I'm trying to be supportive" and they would call my motivations selfish and attention seeking. I'm not out to change their minds. I'm here for the person who doesn't have a choice about changing their diet, and doesn't think they can do it. I'm here to say "I've never seen a cookie I didn't like, but I can do this." I'm here to say, "Change is not easy, but you don't have to think it's impossible."

So, why only 40 days? The juice feast is only 40 days, but the discoveries I make on this journey will continue to inform my choices for a very long time.

Daily Breakdown: Tuesday
JuicesConsumed: Spinach/Papaya/Pineapple/Banana/Cantaloupe/Carrot; Aveda Tea; Mango/Pear; Hawaiian Harvest; Vega/Water/Banana

Weight Loss:  .5 lb (Juice Feast Total: 12.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Yoga - felt like Gumbi

I can always find a way to gain weight

Yes, I know . . . I've heard all the comments before . . . "wow, you're the biggest vegetarian I've ever seen". It was no better when I would tell people I'd turned vegan. I have never been thin enough to look like I eat vegetables. Apparently, I'm supposed to be waif-like and fragile. Over the years, I've tried all sorts of diets, and cut out all sorts of things in an effort to lose weight, but nothing has worked for very long. I've certainly gotten healthier cleaning out things like butter and cheese, but I haven't gotten thinner.

If you google vegan images, you get photos of vegetable and skinny women. If you google images for vegetarian, you get photos of vegetables, skinny women and Lisa Simpson. But what you don't get, is someone who looks like me. Sure, we've all heard the stories/urban legends about the woman someone met who said she was vegan and weighed 400 lbs because she lived on french fries. Or maybe she was a vegan with a thyroid problem. "Nicole, have you had your thyroid checked?"

I am not on this juice fast to lose weight. I do it to clean out my system. I do it to kill bad habits. I do it because I like the effect it has on my skin and my hair. And, no, I don't minnd the fact that I lose weight in the process. Some of which stays off, and some of which comes right back. Gaining some weight back when it's all over is just the nature of the beast. But I know my body, and I know it can always find a way to gain weight no matter what I do. Which is why this morning, when I got on the scale and I was up 1 lb, I really should have been less shocked and disappointed. It's just how it goes . . .

Daily Breakdown: Tuesday
JuicesConsumed: Strawberry/Papaya/Carrot/Banana/Plum/Kale; Aveda Tea; Mango/Pear; Hawaiian Harvest; Vega/Water/Banana

Weight Loss:  +1 lb (Juice Feast Total: 12 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Yoga - felt great!

Auntie Comes to Town

Okay boys, you're officially allowed to tune out today. We are going to discuss my Aunt Flo coming to town, and I know how squemish you can get. Go on . . . you've been warned.

I can now understand my cravings for steak and burgers. PMS. Not my typical PMS, but PMS nonetheless. After making it through a long day at work, I trotted off to rehearsal and tried to relax. We started with dropping in, and I relaxed on the floor recalling the sensations of a hangover. I thought I was doing too good a job at bringing one on when I realized -- this is no hangover. This is Aunt Flo. Damn it.

Since my body was providing enough emotional stimuli already, I could skip working on some of the aspects of a hangover. Unlike being able to shake off the emotional work post-rehearsal, Aunt Flo wasn't going to leave me be. She was, of course, coming home with me. By the time I reached my apartment, I felt completely drained. But instead of crawling into bed, I decided to try to remedy things a bit. A small glass of Mango/Pear juice and some herbal tea seemed to do the trick. Or, I, at least, felt human again.

This has been the biggest challenge so far, especially giving up my one advil which I have religiously each month. Day 1 of Aunt Flo's visits are always the worst for me, and getting through it this time without indulgence and without medication is no small task. I really started to question what I was doing last night. I questioned why I was on the juice feast and what I had to benefit. I questioned whether I could succeed or if I should just give up now. It felt similar to how I felt during the last mile of my half marathon last October. That point you reach where your mind is the only part of your body willing to continue and it's losing the battle.

Though this morning has not been easy, I think I have made it to the other side. The pain in my back is going away, and I don't feel as beaten up. My mind is no longer questioning, and a sense of peace is beginning to return. My only fear now is that this is not the only visit Aunt Flo will make during this feast. She will return somewhere around day 38 of 40, and I must be prepared. But now that I know what I'm up against, I can mentally prepare. I can do it.

What's the old joke about why men should fear women . . . because we can bleed for 7 days and not die.

Daily Breakdown: Monday
JuicesConsumed: Strawberry/Papaya/Garlic/Carrot/Banana/Pear/Kale; Aveda Tea; Mango/Pear; 1Vega/Water; 1 Vega/Water/Banana

Weight Loss:  1 lb (Juice Feast Total: 13 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Um . . . yeah . . . no.

A Steak & Cheese

On a normal day, i.e. one when I'm eating as I would normally do, I may have a craving for a slice of pizza or something wild like ricotta pie. Those things I do not eat, or I should say, allow myself will be what catch my eye or nose. But now my cravings have changed completely.

Last night, I dreamed about a steak & cheese sub. The dream was so real that I had wadded up the blanket so I could hold it like the roll. I can't tell you the last time I had a steak and cheese, but it was definitely in the 80's and most likely from Buddy's on Crest Ave. Suddenly, things I never even desire are first and foremost in my mind: cheeseburger with bacon on an onion roll, or a grilled cheese with bacon and tomato on challah. Um . . . where is my sudden bacon fetish coming from?

I understand that by taking away food, I am craving it more, but you would think I'd want something I actually eat. I'm not craving broccoli and tofu; soba noodles; saag and nan. I don't crave chicken or fish, which have also been out of my diet for 24 years. I seem to crave the one thing that grosses me out the most -- red meat and the other white meat. My face is cringing even as I type the word, meat.

Is my body trying to tell me something? Well, I've already added back into my diet my vegan protein powder, Vega. http://myvega.com/products/whole-food-health-optimizer/features-benefits If nothing else, the Vega shakes will make lunch in the office less expensive and complicated now that I'm juicing. I don't think of it as a cheat, as I occassionaly added soy protein to my fruit juices last year. I also had a superfoods powder that I would add to my juice, but wound up liking fresh wheatgrass more. Besides, the way I look at it -- Chewing is Cheating.

Daily Breakdown: Sunday
Juices Consumed:  Strawberry/Papaya/Pink Grapefruit/Carrot/Banana/1/2 Pear; Aveda Tea; Kale/Pear/Carrot/Papaya/Strawberry/Banana

Weight Loss:  1 lb (Juice Feast Total: 12 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: I somehow wound up taking a 3 hour nap when I went to close my eyes for 2 minutes, so the day didn't go quite as planned.

The Double Daily

Not exactly like at Suffolk Downes, but you get the point. I was up and out too early on Saturday to write my usual installment, so today gets back on track with both Friday and Saturday. I have been a busy bee!

Spring is finally here, and not a moment too soon! I really need some sunshine! I think this winter has taken its toll on everyone, and we should all be out enjoying what little warm air there is whenever we can!

No Impact Man, the documentary about the Manhattan family that decided to not have an impact on the environment for one year had long been on my list to watch and I've finally gotten around to it. While I don't think I'm prepared to give up toilet paper -- in fact, I'm trying hard to rid my mind of the image, I do think their argument to eat locally is dead on. Last year, friends bought and split a share of vegetables and fruit with me from a CSA, Community Sponsored Agriculture, and  while the lack of control of volume or selection may take a little getting used to, always eating fresh makes a huge difference. You make think that your veggies and fruit from Stop-n-Shop are just as fresh, but in reality most of the produce in your grocery store travels more than you do in a year just to make it to your plate. And there's no benefit to eating fruits and veggie out of season. We all know what time of year corn is the best, and watermelon and tomatoes, and yet we wonder when we buy a watermelon in January and it's flavorless.

Having been a vegetarian for almost 25 years, I have gone through a few diet transformations in an effort to stay healthy and not become a carb fiend. After reading The Omnivore's Dilemma, Michael Pollan's own personal journey with food, I changed my mind about what I could eat. If you're curious about how the food industry works in the US, Michael Pollan's books and articles for the NY Times are a great read. In the Omnivore's Dilemma, Pollan makes four meals, "industrial food, organic or alternative food, and food we forage ourselves". While I don't believe many of us have either the skills or the time to forage for our meals everyday, we do have the ability to eat locally produced foods making both a big difference in our diets, local economy and environment. Joel Salatin's Polyface Farm convinced me, a card-carrying vegetarian, that I could eat meat again. (I haven't as I can't remove the emotional component.) But I can understand eating meat and chicken raised and kept in the manner he does, and I don't have anything against it. (I'm probably going to get a nasty note from PETA now.)

The documentary, Food, Inc. draws on many of the themes of Pollan's Omnivore's Dilemma and Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation. While ignorance may be bliss, it's not sustainable bliss. We cannot make America healthier, and continue to eat the way we do. We cannot make America cleaner, and continue to eat the way we do. And don't get me started on the corn industry or Monsanto Company. Watch, and you may never look at your plate the same way.

Daily Breakdown: Friday
Juices Consumed:  Mango/Pear; Hawaiian Harvest; Strawberry/1/2 Apple/Spinach/Carrot/Banana/Ginger/Kiwi

Weight Loss:  .5 lb (Juice Feast Total: 11 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Gym for treadmill & bike.

Daily Breakdown: Saturday
Juices Consumed:  Hawaiian Harvest; Strawberry/Papaya/Spinach/Carrot/Banana/1/2 Apple; Vega (Vegan Protein Powder)/Water/Banana/Mint Tea

Weight Loss:  none (Juice Feast Total: 11 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Normal

Exercise: Ran around Prospect Park -- literally. 3.25 miles

Business as Usual

Yesterday may have potentially been the calmest day of the week -- only work, rehearsal and home. I didn't have to get up early to move the car, I didn't have to get up early to get an auditon slot, I didn't have to do a lot of manic running around. It's a little easier to look after yourself on days like that. Now, I was out of the apartment from 9 AM - 9 PM, and worked for an hour or so when I got home, but it still felt relaxing compared to my normal schedule.

In fact, the only thing unusual about yesterday was my stomach. It sounded like thunder. And not from being empty. I had just made about 20 oz of home squeezed juice, and my stomach just went bananas. I wasn't the least bit uncomfortable, but I was so thankful to be home! It was incredibly loud. What!?! Have I not given it enough time off lately? You would think that with the little I'm asking of it, that my stomach could just pipedown and do its business in peace. I have made an extra effort to stay away from citric acid, and to use plenty of soothing ginger. So what's the fuss?

It's surprising to me how normal everything has been. In reviewing my journal from last year, several things that happened during these first 10 days have not repeated themselves. I don't think I gave last year's colonic enough credit for cleaning me out. (I'm not running out the door to get another one either.) Also, there was one morning last year where I couldn't get out of bed. I felt absolutely terrible. I woke up completely exhausted, and feeling like I had been beaten up, and thought that was going to be the end of my juice feast and my crazy ideas. Having no other choice, I crawled out of bed to the kitchen and made some juice. (There wasn't anything else in the house.) Within a few minutes of drinking the juice, I felt much better and even cycled to work. Whatever was passing out of my system took it's toll on me, but the feeling never returned.

Daily Breakdown:
Juices Consumed:  Green Machine; Hawaiian Harvest; Strawberry/Papaya/Spinach/Carrot/Banana; Strawberry/Banana/Celery/Kale/Carrot/1/2 Apple/Ginger

Weight Loss:  none (Juice Feast Total: 10.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Can't beliebe that they're somewhat normal!

Exercise: I got off my lazy butt, and made it to the gym. I took Diesel with Mark. For those of you who don't know this class, the first 2 times I took it I thought I might vomit. It's no joke. Yesterday, after being away from it for a couple of weeks, I felt a little slow in class. But it didn't feel like a lack of energy -- it just felt like I have been a slacker.

Good Morning!

I don't mean to be too bright and cheery. I've been almost a year without coffee, and I can't imagine ever going back. I only started drinking the stuff when I was bored at work and it grew into a great habit. Habits are the hardest thing in the world to change. We find such comfort in them that we never believe that we'd be happier without them.

Eating is plagued with habits, treats and rewards. We have built up this entire system that for many of us has nothing to do with nutrition or energy to accomplish our activities. You get to have a cookie after school or ice cream after the game. You get your coffee on your way to work, and one at 3 o'clock to make it through the rest of the day. And then, when day is done, it's time for a cocktail. I'm not judging these habits or rewards as I've had them all. I'm just stepping back and noticing them.

My mom just started Weight Wathers last week and has already lost five lbs. She said she never noticed how much she ate while cooking. Whether it be tasting something to see if it's right, or eating the bit of cheese that didn't make it to the dish, or just finishing what you don't think is worth putting back into the refrigerator, a lot more goes into you than you ever imagined. I noticed even with myself when I was first cutting fruits and veggies for my juice that I have to stop myself from chomping on a bit of carrot. I can't imagine how hard it is for a parent preparing food for kids!
There's so much you start to notice when you are on just juice. I'm sure I will adopt some of my old habits back after these 40 days, but it will be selective. I will chose consciously, I hope.

Daily Breakdown:
Juices Consumed:  Green Machine; Apple Cider; Mango/Pear; Kale/Banana/Plum/1/2 Apple/Celery/Carrot/Strawberry

Weight Loss:  .5 lb (Juice Feast Total: 10.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Can't beliebe that they're somewhat normal!

Exercise:Um. . . I'll get back to you on that.

A Brighter Day

Okay, so it was officially not PMS. It was a crappy day followed by one with a bit more optimism.

I am finally feeling like the tank may be empty. Not the energy tank. (In that respect, I feel great. I sleep well, and I wake up feeling ready to face the day. I just wish I wasn't tied to a desk all day.) I just feel like my body is almost cleansed. I have gone back to last years journal about my 30 day juice feast, and found that my system cleared out more quickly than I had remembered. Last year it only took 5 days. I had a colonic after that, but I never felt like the colonic did all that much. This year, it seems to be taking much longer, and I can't imagine why.

Daily Breakdown:
Juices Consumed:  Naked Red Machine; Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice; Naked Blue Machine (I wasn't home long enough to make my own!), Blueberry Tea
Weight Loss:  1 lb (Juice Feast Total: 10 lbs)
Bodily Functions:  Jinxed it -- up in the middle of the night to pee.
Exercise: Didn't make it to the gym -- there's only so much time in the day, and I need to ind more to look after me.

One of those days . . .

There are somedays, that no matter how well they seem to be going, just take a left turn and careen out of control. You feel yourself spiralling down the hole wondering how to stop yourself before you hit the bottom. Whether you can't brush off a comment that has been made, get dumped on at work, or let down by a friend, you watch the bottom fall away and the slide begins.

And then tomorrow comes. You pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and crawl up out of the hole. Sitting down there wallowing isn't going to may you feel any better. And so the climb begins.

Now, tomorrow or the next day, I may report that this was all PMS and all is well with the world. Wouldn't that just suck? Wouldn't it suck to know that all the doom in gloom was just an average crappy day interpretted by hormones!?! Or maybe it's worst to think that things are just as crappy as I perceieve them to be today? Hmm . . .

Well, in either case, I need to get off my butt, and crawl out of head and move on.

Daily Breakdown:
Juices Consumed:  Naked Red Machine; Naked Green Machine; Naked Blue Machine (I wasn't home long enough to make my own!)
Weight Loss:  1 lb (Juice Feast Total: 9 lbs)
Bodily Functions:  Urinating is back to normal. No more waking up in the middle of the night. Pooing, minimally, very minimally.
Exercise: Didn't make it to the gym -- and did way too much mental gymnastics.

1/8 ?

Okay -- the countdown is getting boring for me too. It only goes to prove that time flies except when you're counting the days.

I feel absolutely fine.

I really wish I had something more gruesome to report, but I've got nothing to spice up the reading! At least Julie Powell, who cooked from Julia Child's cookbook for a year, had great things to report every day. And she got to eat like a king! I, on the other hand, cannot regale you with tales of kale getting sucked through a juicer. It's just not that exciting. There's a science to which veggie or fruit goes through the juicer first, but do you really care? (My guess is "no".)

I've been sleeping really well, and waking up really well. (Another hot topic, I know.) I don't wake up groggy, and feel more alert more quickly. (Procrastinating and laying in bed is something completely different.) Oh, and as you could probably guess . . . I spend next to no time in the bathroom.

The only thing I continue to wrestle with is habit. I'm in the habit of eating. It is something that I do at certain times of the day, and while I don't feel the void left by food, I feel the void of not eating. But, if I could go without a television for 2 years, this shouldn't be so hard. Right?

Daily Breakdown:
Juices Consumed:  Banana/Celery/Carrot/Kale/Strawberry/Papaya/Cantaloupe/Ginger/1/2 Apple; Banana/Carrot/Kale/Strawberry/Papaya/Cantalope/Ginger/1/2 Apple; /Banana/PapayaCantaloupe

Weight Loss:  .5 lb (Juice Feast Total: 8 lbs)
Bodily Functions:  Urinating more but that comes with more fluids. Pooing, minimally.

Exercise: I was on lockdown to write for a project I'm working on. And at least completed a full first draft!

1/10

The worst is over.


Remind me later, when I may not be in agreement, that I have already made that declaration. In actuality, I woke up feeling great, made my juice, sprinted for the bus, and hit the Zumba class in Park Slope. Then I walked over the Brooklyn Bridge, which I never do, and realized why I never walk over the Brooklyn Bridge. Tourists suck.


By the time I got to the other side, having gotten a call from work that made me even more agitated, I was ready to take a bite out of someone. I was having such a great, productive morning; all destroyed by so many sheep masquerading as humans. (To be fair, I honestly believe that these creatures would have pissed me off just as much if I weren't on the juice feast, but it was as though they were going out of their way to test me.) So, my first stop in Manhattan was for juice.


I popped into a Starbucks, knowing they sell Naked Green Machine juice. I picked one up, popped into an easy chair, sipped and unwound. Within a few seconds, I was feeling a sense of calm return. When I had sat for what I guess to be half an hour, I reluctantly went to my office to take care of the chore, and yes, since I was there, and had already mentioned that I was feeling guilty, I cleaned the fish condo, too.


The trek back to Brooklyn would not be an easy one since all of the trains in my neighborhood aren't running this weekend. That meant at least 2 trains & a bus or another 5.5 miles of walking. In either case, I decided I'd better juice up again. This time hitting Jamba hoping for wheatgrass, but alas, there was none.


I really do feel like I am over a hurdle. The wind may not be at my back, but the whole notion of going another 36 days doesn't seem so terrible. Actually, that's not 100% accurate. The number "36" seems ridiculous! It's a month and the better part of a week which is a very long time. So we'll say 1/10 complete. Yes, 1/10 down, 9/10 to go . . . 



Daily Breakdown:
Juices Consumed:  Banana/Celery/Carrot/Spinach/Strawberry/Nectarine/Ginger/1/2 Apple; Jamba Strawberry Whirl -- I went for Wheatgrass, but they were out!; Green Machine; Mango/Pear Celery/Banana/Kale//1/2 Apple/Papaya; Strawberry

Weight Loss:  1 lb (Juice Feast Total: 7.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Urinating more but that comes with more fluids. Pooing.

Exercise:Went to Zumba, and had a great class. Hit the shower and the sauna and then walked over the Brooklyn Bridge, doing about 5 miles or so all together.

And the beat goes on . . .

Well, all of the BS Layer has definitely been stripped away. I haven't lost my patience completely. Small children and animals are safe.


Kidding aside, it really wasn't that bad a day. I got up, juiced, wrote, headed out to get an audition slot, went to work, went to the gym, back to work, off to the audition, back to work, off to rehearse and home. The only one who really suffered yesterday is the office beta fish. I really should have cleaned his bowl yesterday, but I would have rather plucked my eyelashes out. Now, I'm feeling guilty, like I should head into the office just to clean out his 8 gallon condo. (Yes, we have 1 beta in an 8 gallon tank. He has more real estate in NYC for his size than Trump.)


Working out wasn't any harder than usual really except I had a hard time focusing. I chose a spin class as it would require less coordination than most classes I take, and well, I've fallen off a treadmill on a good day. (I can watch the treadmill Ok Go video with pure fascination over and over again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTAAsCNK7RA )


What is now guiding my need to consume something isn't hunger. I don't feel hungry anymore. I start to feel tense. Unprovoked tension. Then I realize, I need some juice. I don't wake up starving, and my stomach isn't growling. My stomach is basically on vacation.I have removed 90% of its workload. 


The diet I most admire, but find difficult to follow -- not for practical reasons, but because I like tortilla chips and margaritas -- is The Hippocrates Diet, http://www.naturodoc.com/library/nutrition/Hippocrates_diet.htm The modern system was restarted by Ann Wigmore who had a center in Boston in the 70's At the institute, she taught people to eat differently to cure their health problems by diet alone. She was famous for taking her guests' food and throwing it in a blender -- if you're not going to chew it enough, you're not going to get enough out of it. Her diet isn't about juicing per se, but raw foods and drinking wheatgrass juice. 


I had been growing wheatgrass for the better part of a year, which is MUCH cheaper than buying it, but when I lost my office garden I lost my crop. So, the goal for this weekend is to figure out where to grow my green gold.


Daily Breakdown:
Juices Consumed:  Banana/Celery/Carrot/Spinach/Strawberry/Papaya; Hawaiian Something or Other from Crunch, Pineapple, Coconut . . .; Celery/Banana/Spinach//Tangerine/Papaya; Mango/Pear

Weight Loss:  1.5 lbs (Juice Feast Total: 6.5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Urinating more but that comes with more fluids. Pooing resumed

Exercise: Okay, I got off my fat butt and went to Spin Class. I have to admit that I was a bit unfocused in class, and I'm not sure if that is a result of my state or the substitute teacher who just wasn't doing it for me. (Lovely woman though.)

The First 48

So far, so good.

No one has been hurt and I was able to channel my tension into my ongoing battle with my landlord over contractual obiligations. Am I having fun? Well, no, I wouldn't say it's fun, and it's not really normal yet, but it was only Day 2 and this is no cakewalk. Pardon the term.

My cravings were not as great yesterday, and the few I had were not for things I normally crave. This year will make my 25th as a vegetarian, and my first trying (it hasn't been perfect) to be vegan. As a result, my usual cravings have been dairy; ice cream, butter, a bagel with cream cheese. Yeasterday, on the train ride home I found myself daycreaming about an Omlette with Swiss and Mushrooms. I haven't had an omlette in a year, and I haven't particularly missed them either. Carrying my boss's coffee back to the office, I found myself sniffing it. When I catch a scent in the air, my mind needs to break it down. "I know it's bacon, but it smells like something wrapped in bacon. Scallops? Hmmm . . . what does a scallop smell like. Well, I know, but I mean a cooked scallop. And not a fried scallop, more like a broiled . . . OMG! Am I really . . ."

Yes, you would think with everything on my plate; auditioning 4-5 times/week, writing a piece with friends, reading a pilot I may have a shot at, looking for a new monologues, crisis in Northern Africa and the Middle East and oh yeah, going to work, that I wouldn't have the time to ponder the smell of what may or may not have been a scallop for an entire city block.

Daily Breakdown:
Juices Consumed:  Banana/Apple/carrot/Spinach/Ginger/Lemon/Strawberry/Papaya; Naked Green Machine; Naked Blue Machine; Celery/Banana/Spinach/Strawberry/Apple/Papaya

Weight Loss:  2.5 lbs (Juice Feast Total: 5 lbs)

Bodily Functions:  Urinating more but that comes with more fluids. No pooping, but not feeling constipated either.

Exercise: Yeah . . . I missed classed today. It was way too easy to talk myself out of going, and that's one thing I particularly need to get over!

Day 1

I have always cautioned people going on a cleanse that the first 3 days are the worst. You're confronting habits as well as cravings and it all hits you at once. For people only doing three days, they never get to see that it actually gets better, easier, less dramatic. They and those around them notice the irritability, the bitchiness as it were, but not much benefit.

In my first 24 hour span, I have shed 2.5 lbs. While this may seem extreme, I have come to realize that all I have shed thus far is my "BS Layer". The BS Layer is the coating that every individual has surrounding them just under the skin that repels the bullshit of other people. I suddenly have no tolerance for bullshit. Better still, I have no tolerance for what I conceive as bullshit which on any other day I may have overlooked. For instance, when a friend stopped by my desk at work and casually leaned back against the wall lifting his leg to rest his foot against the wall for balance, I said, "Get your foot off my wall! Do you do that at home? Would you ever? I don't need to be cleaning people's footprints, dirty, nasty NYC walked footprints off the wall."

I am wondering if I need to set-up a perimeter, a safe distance for people at work to approach me, like the moat they put around the lions' den at the zoo. Step within that boundary, and I cannot be held responsible for what happens to you. Inevitably, there is always some jackass who decides they want to play with the big kitty, and they get mauled, but the majority of the population is spared.

Have I painted that bleak a picture of my state? The only thing I'm really having a hard time with at the moment is habit; like my habit of walking past the kitchen at work and grabbing a pretzel. I had to consciously remind myself not to eat which tells me that I had started to do a lot of casual eating without thinking. (That probably accounts for the holiday weight gain that never went away.) I have to find something else to do with myself in those moments -- some project to wrap my mind around -- and the pretzel lets go its hold on me.

Daily Breakdown:
Juices Consumed:  Banana/nectarine/carrot/spinach/ginger/lemon/strawberry; Naked Green Machine; Odawalla Superfood with Flax Seed. (Typically, I like to do all the juicing myself, but my schedule yesterday made that impossible, and I needed to keep the juice flowing.)
Weight Loss:  2.5 lbs (Juice Feast Total: 2.5 lbs)
Bodily Functions:  Yes, reader, I will be talking about poop in this section, but not all the time. At some point, it will cease to happen, so for now I'll just say, "All systems normal".
Exercise: While I did run around the city with realtors looking for office space yesterday, I did not have the opportunity to make it to the gym or the park for a workout.

One down, 39 to go. I better get juicing before I face the world!

In the beginning . . .

From March 9th through April 18th, I will be on a 40 day juice feast. Each day, I will report on what I'm juicing, what's going on with my body, how I'm feeling and whatever other ramblings come to mind. I'll include any of the websites/books I've found useful as I try to cleanse my system safely. I know what I'm doing isn't for everyone, but if you're at all curious, you can follow my story here. . .

In the beginning
Anything is possible.
I'm in the Middle
Knowing neither the Beginning nor the End.

I always loved that line.

Last year, when my mother was diagnosed with cancer I found myself feeling very helpless. While I may be particular, I don't believe I'm too much of a control freak. (Okay, maybe a little.) But when faced with something I could in no way, shape or form control, I tried my best to control everything else.

I read a lot of literature on holistic remedies for cancer. My mother was beginning chemo, but I felt like there was more she could do -- chemo being something doctors do to you as opposed to something you do. (Believe me, I am not making light of what a person and a family goes through when taking chemo. It's epic. But in the battle against cancer, everyone must be willing to fight at 200%. It takes everything you have, and then some.) On top cancer, which in the early weeks was generalized, my mom is Type 2 Diabetic, so my thought was that anything that could make her healthier couldn't be bad. But I also knew that the changes I was asking her to make overnight were enormous.

In order to gain back some of the control I felt I was lacking in my universe, and so my mother wouldn't have to go it alone, I launched a 30 day juice feast. (I was only asking her to do 3 days, and then make diet changes.) For 30 days, I would have nothing but fruit and vegetable juice in whatever quantity I would like. That meant cutting out: solid food, dairy, coffee/caffeine, alcohol and sugar. And I did it. I dropped 24 lbs in 30 days, only putting 5 back on when I went back on solids. Having been a lacto-ovarian vegetarian for 25 years, I decided to not put the dairy back in my diet and remain vegan. (I love cheese and yogurt, and I tried to put it back, but I felt miserable.) I also never put coffee back in my diet. (I had Earl Grey tea one afternoon, and was a psycho-bitch the rest of the day, so for the safety of all concerned, I've stayed off the caffeine.)

And my mom . . . she did 8 rounds of chemo, and a radiowave ablation on her kidney. She drinks crazy tea from an herbalist that's supposed to be a Native American remedy for cancer. And while not officially in remission, she has not needed a treatment since October. He weight is down, her Type 2 is better requiring less medication and she has sassy short hair. We're planning a trip to Tuscany this Fall.

The most important lesson I learned was that anything can be possible. I would have never thought in a million years that I could fast for more than 5 days, or that I could run a half marathon or that there would ever be a good enough reason to have a colonic, but in 2010, I did it all. Like Charlie Sheen said, "Nike's slogan isn't 'Just try it'."

So, why juice again if I don't need to? Because as hard as it was, I felt great! My skin was clear, my hair was thicker, I slept better, and my allergies were almost completely wiped out. Why do 10 days longer than last time? Well, Lent is 40 days, so I figured it was just easier to line the two up. Last year, I gave up cursing for Lent, and charged myself a dollar for curse words. At the end, I sent $75 to charity. Is it safe? People can go on Juice Feast for as few as 3 days or as many as 90 days. As long as you are getting yourself enough nutrients and calories, you should be able to stay on the fast without becoming weak. http://www.juicefeasting.com/Home/tabid/36/Default.aspx

Tonight, for my last supper, I'll enjoy guacamole and margaritas because tomorrow I juice.

Enjoy Mardi Gras!