For anyone who has traveled on the NYC subway system, you will know that the least coveted seat is the center seat. Wedged between two strangers, your experience can vary from being a pillow for a sleepy traveler, being elbowed between the Times and the Post, having your olfactory senses assaulted or just a ride on the subway. The possibilities are truly endless. And it sure beats standing. But the center seats go last, and if your train is crowded, it may be the only option you have of sitting down . . . if you can fit.
There comes a point when you're gaining weight that you don't even see center seats anymore. It's not really a seat at least. It's just some sliver of orange between two seated people. It couldn't possibly have been meant for a whole person!?! I remember someone telling me that our train cars were purchased in Japan, and they were designed for smaller people. (Yeah, and there are alligators in the sewers too.) One day, as a traveler tried to take that leftover sliver of orange, he fell onto my friends lap, and began to public berate her for being too fat. Though she was sitting there minding her own business, it was suddenly her fault he had no balance. Whatever happened to "Excuse me!"?
I think that story has always stuck in my mind because it frightens me. As a kid, I was teased all the time for my weight. As an adult, even in my thinner phases, I've received comments from strangers that were more than unkind and unnecessary. So, the idea of the center seat -- horrifying. Until now.
I fit, comfortably in the center seat again. It's not spacious. But it's not spacious unless you're under 9 years old. Once your feet can touch the floor, it's over. I can sit without feeling like the person next to me is going to pout and get all bent out of shape about it. It may be a silly thing to get excited over, but who cares!?! It's mine and I will have it! Next week, I start riding my bike to work again, so let me enjoy this while it lasts!
41 days. 26.5 lbs. 9 days to go. It has been an epic journey. My friends have been so supportive, and I love you all dearly. Thank you for letting me be melodramatic, and thank you for always being there.
No man is a failure who has friends.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Dehydration . . .
This may sound ridiculous . . . but I actually got dehydrated. I didn't think it was possible either, but I managed it.
I know . . . I've been in a funk as of late. Apparently melodrama is overrated. What can I say? It's been the worst couple of months. Worse than I could ever imagine -- and the juice cleanse had nothing to do with. In all honesty, I think if it weren't for the juice cleanse I would not have gotten out of bed for a few weeks.
But I am on the home stretch -- the point where you start thinking about food again. I wanted fried clams yesterday. I haven't had fried clams in 25 years. But Kelley's fried clams, and fries, AND onion rings sounded really good to me. No, I would not eat them even if you put them in front of me even when I get off the fast -- well, maybe the fries, but definitely not the clams. Peanut butter on whole wheat toast may be all I need. Followed by a nap so my body can process it. Or Indian food . . . mmm . . . Indian food.
Okay -- that was enough of that. This is only day 38, and while the end is nigh, it ain't that nigh.
So far, I have lost 25.5 lbs. My BMI has gone from 28.9, or 1.1 away from obesity, to 24.9 which is the top end of normal weight for my height. Who knew that when I woke up this morning, I would be normal? I am in the 38th percentile, meaning that 52 % of people have a higher BMI than I. I started running again this morning in preparation for a 5k in three weeks -- I've procrastinated worse than that before. I did a little over a 5k this morning with no issues other than being very slow. Attending yoga a few times a week, and hitting Zumba, Hip Hop (by accident -- so not graceful), Beach Body (class almost killed me -- it was like going to boot camp for lunch), I hope will have me in shape to start riding my bike to work next week. Manhattan Bridge, here I come!
I would like to say that I am happy with my body now, but I can't. I do feel much, much better, and feel much better about how I look in clothes. But I can't be the only one who always wants to be thinner, can I? You get to a certain point, and feel like if only I could lose 20 more or 10 more lbs, then I would be "happy". I weighed 149 in grad school, but always wanted to be 135. I have never weighed 135 in my life, except on the way up during adolescence. I have no idea what it would be like to weigh that much or what I would even look like -- but that number has been stuck in my head for a decade. Would 135 make me "happy"? No, but accepting myself where I am might.
I know . . . I've been in a funk as of late. Apparently melodrama is overrated. What can I say? It's been the worst couple of months. Worse than I could ever imagine -- and the juice cleanse had nothing to do with. In all honesty, I think if it weren't for the juice cleanse I would not have gotten out of bed for a few weeks.
But I am on the home stretch -- the point where you start thinking about food again. I wanted fried clams yesterday. I haven't had fried clams in 25 years. But Kelley's fried clams, and fries, AND onion rings sounded really good to me. No, I would not eat them even if you put them in front of me even when I get off the fast -- well, maybe the fries, but definitely not the clams. Peanut butter on whole wheat toast may be all I need. Followed by a nap so my body can process it. Or Indian food . . . mmm . . . Indian food.
Okay -- that was enough of that. This is only day 38, and while the end is nigh, it ain't that nigh.
So far, I have lost 25.5 lbs. My BMI has gone from 28.9, or 1.1 away from obesity, to 24.9 which is the top end of normal weight for my height. Who knew that when I woke up this morning, I would be normal? I am in the 38th percentile, meaning that 52 % of people have a higher BMI than I. I started running again this morning in preparation for a 5k in three weeks -- I've procrastinated worse than that before. I did a little over a 5k this morning with no issues other than being very slow. Attending yoga a few times a week, and hitting Zumba, Hip Hop (by accident -- so not graceful), Beach Body (class almost killed me -- it was like going to boot camp for lunch), I hope will have me in shape to start riding my bike to work next week. Manhattan Bridge, here I come!
I would like to say that I am happy with my body now, but I can't. I do feel much, much better, and feel much better about how I look in clothes. But I can't be the only one who always wants to be thinner, can I? You get to a certain point, and feel like if only I could lose 20 more or 10 more lbs, then I would be "happy". I weighed 149 in grad school, but always wanted to be 135. I have never weighed 135 in my life, except on the way up during adolescence. I have no idea what it would be like to weigh that much or what I would even look like -- but that number has been stuck in my head for a decade. Would 135 make me "happy"? No, but accepting myself where I am might.
Friday, March 16, 2012
29!
Okay . . . I'm definitely not 29 again. But today is day 29.
I've definitely been away from the blog for a while. I have found it hard to write, as I'm finding it hard to open up.
I started the blog to let people know what it was like going through your day-to-day life on a juice fast. But we can't control what life is going to deal us during that time, and in little less than a month my world had turned upside-down. I can't remember any point in my life that has been so hard -- so much at once, and all bad. I jump when I hear the phone - but the call is never who I'm waiting for. I used to turn my ringer off at night, but now my phone is on constantly . . . waiting. I don't know how I got here.
Johnny seems to be reacting well to the medication -- well, that is to say, he doesn't show any side-effects. He'll have a blood test on Monday, and then back up to Angell in a few weeks to see if he's getting any benefit from the drug. Maybe in a few weeks, something will actually look brighter.
I have been faithful to the juice. But to be honest, somedays I find it hard to have anything at all. I'll go through the process of making 32 oz of juice, but it will take me almost 2 days to get it down. My guess is that my weightloss will not be typical. I'm down a little over 20 lbs now, and can get into most of my "thinner" clothes already. Normally, I would be thrilled, espcially where I have another 21 days to go. But time has not been kind, and I'm afraid fo what the next 3 weeks could hold. I'm emotionally very tired.
I have been going to the gym steadily. Distraction, distraction, distraction. I'll get dizzy occasionally, but nothing major. It's just like the feeling you get if you stand-up too quickly. I'll pause for a moment and it will pass quickly. I did leave one class early -- it was just extreme intense, and I didn't have my heart in it. I needed the shower more. But I did realize that I have reached the point in the fast where I need to avoid extreme heat. It knocks my right out.
This post isn't what I had hoped. I'm normally more amusing. I hope. I sometimes spew a bunch of facts. This is the post where you can see Tinkerbell's light fading. The only thing that could save her was the love of others. Everyone had to pull for her. Please, I would never ask this, especially of stangers, but please cross your fingers for me now. Maybe if you all think of me for just a moment, I can have my wish and life will be happy again.
Peter Pan was always my favorite story -- except I could never understand why Wendy left. If I were Wendy, I would have stayed.
I've definitely been away from the blog for a while. I have found it hard to write, as I'm finding it hard to open up.
I started the blog to let people know what it was like going through your day-to-day life on a juice fast. But we can't control what life is going to deal us during that time, and in little less than a month my world had turned upside-down. I can't remember any point in my life that has been so hard -- so much at once, and all bad. I jump when I hear the phone - but the call is never who I'm waiting for. I used to turn my ringer off at night, but now my phone is on constantly . . . waiting. I don't know how I got here.
Johnny seems to be reacting well to the medication -- well, that is to say, he doesn't show any side-effects. He'll have a blood test on Monday, and then back up to Angell in a few weeks to see if he's getting any benefit from the drug. Maybe in a few weeks, something will actually look brighter.
I have been faithful to the juice. But to be honest, somedays I find it hard to have anything at all. I'll go through the process of making 32 oz of juice, but it will take me almost 2 days to get it down. My guess is that my weightloss will not be typical. I'm down a little over 20 lbs now, and can get into most of my "thinner" clothes already. Normally, I would be thrilled, espcially where I have another 21 days to go. But time has not been kind, and I'm afraid fo what the next 3 weeks could hold. I'm emotionally very tired.
I have been going to the gym steadily. Distraction, distraction, distraction. I'll get dizzy occasionally, but nothing major. It's just like the feeling you get if you stand-up too quickly. I'll pause for a moment and it will pass quickly. I did leave one class early -- it was just extreme intense, and I didn't have my heart in it. I needed the shower more. But I did realize that I have reached the point in the fast where I need to avoid extreme heat. It knocks my right out.
This post isn't what I had hoped. I'm normally more amusing. I hope. I sometimes spew a bunch of facts. This is the post where you can see Tinkerbell's light fading. The only thing that could save her was the love of others. Everyone had to pull for her. Please, I would never ask this, especially of stangers, but please cross your fingers for me now. Maybe if you all think of me for just a moment, I can have my wish and life will be happy again.
Peter Pan was always my favorite story -- except I could never understand why Wendy left. If I were Wendy, I would have stayed.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Picking Up Steam!
From virtually immobile to gym rat in a week . . . okay, maybe I'm not at the gym that much, but from not at all to four times a week is a significant increase. I have been doing everything from yoga to spin to zumba and it feels great. If I'm under-performing, it is not due to the juice diet, but due to not getting my butt to the gym for two months.This week I'll start running in anticipation of a 5k in April. Since one of my last runs was half marathon in October, I've got to get moving again!
Johnny has started chemo this week. He gets one pill every other day, and half a Pecid AC daily. He is currently residing with my parents as my car broke down on my way to Boston, and you cannot travel with a non-service animal on a bus or Amtrak. He's happily over-eating, and sleeping in the sun on the porch.
I would like to say that things in my life are back on track, but there seems to be bigger challenges around every corner. Everyone goes through rough patches. I get that. But I could really use something working in my favor. Just one area of my life that doesn't feel like a complete and utter disaster that I don't know how to fix. I really cannot keep up with it all. But being on a juice diet doesn't play into it at all. I don't miss comfort food, and I don't miss drowning my sorrows in a bottle of wine. All valid choices in their own way, but just not where I'm at at the moment.
My heart aches . . .
Johnny has started chemo this week. He gets one pill every other day, and half a Pecid AC daily. He is currently residing with my parents as my car broke down on my way to Boston, and you cannot travel with a non-service animal on a bus or Amtrak. He's happily over-eating, and sleeping in the sun on the porch.
I would like to say that things in my life are back on track, but there seems to be bigger challenges around every corner. Everyone goes through rough patches. I get that. But I could really use something working in my favor. Just one area of my life that doesn't feel like a complete and utter disaster that I don't know how to fix. I really cannot keep up with it all. But being on a juice diet doesn't play into it at all. I don't miss comfort food, and I don't miss drowning my sorrows in a bottle of wine. All valid choices in their own way, but just not where I'm at at the moment.
My heart aches . . .
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Tomorrow is Another Day . . .
But I'm not headed to Tara. I'm headed to Boston to see an oncologist.
I've started Johnny on some holistic treatments, and tomorrow we go to Angell Memorial to start chemo. It will only be 2 pills/day. One is the chemo, and the other will be to settle his stomach from the chemo. Piladia was a drug designed to treat skin cancer in dogs. They have found it to be effective in only 30% of cats for squamous cell carcinoma, and the oncologist has only seen it work once. She herself has lost 3 cats to this disease; 3 of 6. But we're hoping Johnny is a good candidate for this treatment.
I have been cooking up a storm this week. I acutally haven't had a problem cooking for the BF. In someways, it makes dnner time easier because I'm not making two dinners. Before he moved in, I would be happy calling some hummus and Wasa crackers dinner. I never made myself a meal. I'd get home from work and wouldn't feel up to it. But now that there's two of us, dinner is more of an event. We get to share our days over dinner, so it's become something I look forward to at the end of the day.
The juicing gets easier, but the temptation doesn't go away. Watching science fiction helps because for some reason those people never eat. Everyone else hangs out in a bar, restaurant, coffee shop and that doesn't even count the cooking shows. Have we nothing better to do with our air time than watch other people eat!?! And forget the Waltons -- those people are always eating, or drinking The Recipe!
Day 16 - down 12.5 lbs
I've started Johnny on some holistic treatments, and tomorrow we go to Angell Memorial to start chemo. It will only be 2 pills/day. One is the chemo, and the other will be to settle his stomach from the chemo. Piladia was a drug designed to treat skin cancer in dogs. They have found it to be effective in only 30% of cats for squamous cell carcinoma, and the oncologist has only seen it work once. She herself has lost 3 cats to this disease; 3 of 6. But we're hoping Johnny is a good candidate for this treatment.
I have been cooking up a storm this week. I acutally haven't had a problem cooking for the BF. In someways, it makes dnner time easier because I'm not making two dinners. Before he moved in, I would be happy calling some hummus and Wasa crackers dinner. I never made myself a meal. I'd get home from work and wouldn't feel up to it. But now that there's two of us, dinner is more of an event. We get to share our days over dinner, so it's become something I look forward to at the end of the day.
The juicing gets easier, but the temptation doesn't go away. Watching science fiction helps because for some reason those people never eat. Everyone else hangs out in a bar, restaurant, coffee shop and that doesn't even count the cooking shows. Have we nothing better to do with our air time than watch other people eat!?! And forget the Waltons -- those people are always eating, or drinking The Recipe!
Day 16 - down 12.5 lbs
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)