29!

Okay . . . I'm definitely not 29 again. But today is day 29.

I've definitely been away from the blog for a while. I have found it hard to write, as I'm finding it hard to open up.

I started the blog to let people know what it was like going through your day-to-day life on a juice fast. But we can't control what life is going to deal us during that time, and in little less than a month my world had turned upside-down. I can't remember any point in my life that has been so hard -- so much at once, and all bad. I jump when I hear the phone - but the call is never who I'm waiting for. I used to turn my ringer off at night, but now my phone is on constantly . . . waiting. I don't know how I got here.

Johnny seems to be reacting well to the medication -- well, that is to say, he doesn't show any side-effects. He'll have a blood test on Monday, and then back up to Angell in a few weeks to see if he's getting any benefit from the drug. Maybe in a few weeks, something will actually look brighter.

I have been faithful to the juice. But to be honest, somedays I find it hard to have anything at all. I'll go through the process of making 32 oz of juice, but it will take me almost 2 days to get it down. My guess is that my weightloss will not be typical. I'm down a little over 20 lbs now, and can get into most of my "thinner" clothes already. Normally, I would be thrilled, espcially where I have another 21 days to go. But time has not been kind, and I'm afraid fo what the next 3 weeks could hold. I'm emotionally very tired.

I have been going to the gym steadily. Distraction, distraction, distraction. I'll get dizzy occasionally, but nothing major. It's just like the feeling you get if you stand-up too quickly. I'll pause for a moment and it will pass quickly. I did leave one class early -- it was just extreme intense, and I didn't have my heart in it. I needed the shower more. But I did realize that I have reached the point in the fast where I need to avoid extreme heat. It knocks my right out.

This post isn't what I had hoped. I'm normally more amusing. I hope. I sometimes spew a bunch of facts. This is the post where you can see Tinkerbell's light fading. The only thing that could save her was the love of others. Everyone had to pull for her. Please, I would never ask this, especially of stangers, but please cross your fingers for me now. Maybe if you all think of me for just a moment, I can have my wish and life will be happy again.

Peter Pan was always my favorite story -- except I could never understand why Wendy left. If I were Wendy, I would have stayed.