Dehydration . . .

This may sound ridiculous . . . but I actually got dehydrated. I didn't think it was possible either, but I managed it.

I know . . . I've been in a funk as of late. Apparently melodrama is overrated. What can I say? It's been the worst couple of months. Worse than I could ever imagine -- and the juice cleanse had nothing to do with. In all honesty, I think if it weren't for the juice cleanse I would not have gotten out of bed for a few weeks.

But I am on the home stretch -- the point where you start thinking about food again. I wanted fried clams yesterday. I haven't had fried clams in 25 years. But Kelley's fried clams, and fries, AND onion rings sounded really good to me. No, I would not eat them even if you put them in front of me even when I get off the fast -- well, maybe the fries, but definitely not the clams. Peanut butter on whole wheat toast may be all I need. Followed by a nap so my body can process it. Or Indian food .  . . mmm . . . Indian food.

Okay -- that was enough of that. This is only day 38, and while the end is nigh, it ain't that nigh.

So far, I have lost 25.5 lbs. My BMI has gone  from 28.9, or 1.1 away from obesity, to 24.9 which is the top end of normal weight for my height. Who knew that when I woke up this morning, I would be normal? I am in the 38th percentile, meaning that 52 % of people have a higher BMI than I. I started running again this morning in preparation for a 5k in three weeks -- I've procrastinated worse than that before. I did a little over a 5k this morning with no issues other than being very slow. Attending yoga a few times a week, and hitting Zumba, Hip Hop (by accident -- so not graceful), Beach Body (class almost killed me -- it was like going to boot camp for lunch), I hope will have me in shape to start riding my bike to work next week. Manhattan Bridge, here I come!

I would like to say that I am happy with my body now, but I can't. I do feel much, much better, and feel much better about how I look in clothes. But I can't be the only one who always wants to be thinner, can I? You get to a certain point, and feel like if only I could lose 20 more or 10 more lbs, then I would be "happy". I weighed 149 in grad school, but always wanted to be 135. I have never weighed 135 in my life, except on the way up during adolescence. I have no idea what it would be like to weigh that much or what I would even look like -- but that number has been stuck in my head for a decade. Would 135 make me "happy"? No, but accepting myself where I am might.